dirtytrenchcoat | ✆ castiel's voicemail

I'd advise against killing them, the city welcomes them as they are for whatever reason and facilitates their being here where possible.

[That much he knows by following them before their big party several weeks ago. Prior to his incarceration. He hasn't really spoken to any of them specifically, at least not for any real length of time.]

So far I've met two people that knew me, from before. I know that if I wanted to I could go back into the logs here and see what I did and who I knew, but I haven't because if my memory isn't with me those things make no difference.

At least they saw fit to give you a better designation. From what I understand, being a dominant is a much more affluent position to be in here.

Them and every other witch, werewolf, and what else is here, too. Death also doesn't stick, so. You kill one Billie, I guess you kill them all.

( Billie and then Betty. It's more about being glib than anything. He doesn't believed Death back home equates Death here. And without Betty, he's sure Jack made another Death, too. After all. ...He did die. )

Still a trap. ( Just with trappings. He steps forward, eyeing the line down Cas' throat. ) Is that why you were in prison? ( That line Dean can't do anything about.

As for what he did before, it doesn't hold much water. He suspect an emotional connection with Qi'ra. He worked with Poe. He doesn't know more past that. But, he hasn't asked. Like Cas says, asking won't matter. He's not the last Dean. )

No. I was in prison for failing to sign a contract within their time constraints.

[Something that Castiel hadn't been comfortable with then and surely wasn't comfortable with now. If it weren't for Pidge and her awareness of him and his history he'd likely still be sitting in that cell and this visit would be a very different one.]

I ... didn't know that. [Death hadn't exactly been permanent for him either, at home every time he'd thought it was the end it had simply been the beginning of something new. Something different]

It's the party line here. Sign a contract or go to jail. Don't collect 200 dollars. Orientation not sink in?

( He's not trying to berate the angel, but it's impossible for him not to concern himself with Cas' moves, and his ignorance. But, was it willful?

Something does nag at him, though. )

They let you out, so - you signed up. Who are they?

( He doesn't like the knot in his stomach that forms when he thinks about Castiel signing his life away to someone. It reminds him of Castiel's exoduses to Heaven, his first life fighting a war he thought he believed in, and all those months he and Castiel were away from one another, be it the Empty, Castiel being captured, brainwashed, beset upon my fucked up spells... Thanks, Rowena.

But, it twists tighter because he's not connected to Dean. Dean was too late and now Cas is connected indefinitely to someone. His life depends on someone else.

Dean's right hand forms a fist beside him. This place forced Castiel's hand. He knows that's what it does, but it feels like too far when it comes to his best friend. )

I was aware of it, I simply lost time.

[As one often did when they had no need to sleep and therefore too much time on their hands. The mundane toilings of time here didn't align with what he knew from home and so that made things more difficult. That, and bridging the gap - finding someone that he felt understood his position when his only regular contact and friend was also a submissive.]

A young woman. Her name is Katie Holt. She knew me from before, and so I reached out to her once I was sure that she was of sound mind.

( Cas and his lost time. It felt more often than not that he was gone for periods of time. Taking time to himself, getting lost, finding a way to save Jack, getting taken. Angel time is different than Dean's own sense of time, he knows that. )

And you trust Katie Holt.

( Clearly, Cas does if he chose her to be his benefactor. Dean has to ask, anyway.

He sighs, leveling with him. )

You can't go getting thrown in jail because you won't adhere to the rules, Cas. Not here. Not when people wind up whipping each other on the network. Not following the rules? That's my thing. You have to be more careful.

More than a stranger.

[It's not saying much, but it went beyond that of anyone else - who he didn't know and didn't want to navigate the specifics of a contract with. His options were very limited, and so he went with the most rational of choices.]

I take it you attend to break the rules while here then. What did you have planned?

[Not just because he might want in, and so that he can look out for him and the potential operation, no. Couldn't be.]

( Does he need to hold up your track record for trust, Cas? He doesn't want to. It might be longer than you remember. His protective streak expands as Castiel asks if he has any specific plans in the making. )

No. We're not doing this. I may not buy what this place is selling, but I know better than to step a toe out of line until I can find the right way to do it. As far as we're concerned, no plans. ( As far as anybody's concerned. ) If there's a loop hole waiting, we'll find it. But, we have to be patient, Cas. Now jumping in wings first.

( Which would just be jumping back first and he does not condone that, either. )

I want to meet her. Katie.

I've been patient. Thorough in my research and I've found nothing.

[It's as much an admission of failure as it is a warning to Dean. If there was something that could be found, he's exhausted every possible research to find it. There was nothing easily accessible and even those that had been here for years had nothing of value to offer when it came to escaping or insurrection.]

That's fine. It wouldn't surprise me if she had a prior relationship with you as well. She's intelligent and direct. I like that.

Yeah, seems like most of the city's found diddly. Means we'll have to work harder.

( And not keep their eye off the ball. Dean doesn't see it as a failure, though. Not when the kidnapping is on as large a scale as it is. )

You think my type's intelligent and direct. She gonna be okay if I slide into her DM's?

I don't think it was that kind of relationship.

[It's hard to picture the two of them together, but he disregards the thought as soon as it filters into his subconscious. There's no particular reason for it and what Dean gets up to and with who shouldn't be his business.]

She's very responsive.

( He smirks. Cas and his literalisms. They were less in the past three, four years, but his snark always shone through. One of the many reasons Dean likes Cas, the angel, and Cas the person. )

Let her know she'll be hearing from me then. ...I'm glad you're okay, Cas. Sorry it took me so much time to follow.

( If Cas doesn't want to talk about what transpired, about the Empty, about all of it, Dean's not going to pry. They get to those places, they get emotional, and then they move forward. He pulls Cas close again, burying his face in Cas' shoulder.

He just ... can't say he loves him, too. And Cas was so afraid about it, too. It's his worst nightmare, Dean thinks. Cas deserves more. He tightens his grip but leans back. )

She uh -- is she taking care of all of your needs?

( It's been a few months, Castiel's needed to do something. He knows. )

[They've been less and less more often, but some things remain tried and true. He doesn't understand every nuance of the ever-changing spectrum of mortality. Not yet. He's met many from different realities, different strings on the dimensional fabric that led him from his own plane to this one.]

I'll make sure she's expecting you. You don't have to- [Apologize for not finding him in an impossible-to-navigate situation. Castiel would have never expected that and didn't think either of them deserved to be here now. What they deserved wasn't of importance, not to the government and its capabilities and not to anyone else - the others coping with the same fate.

A look of shock finds Castiel's features when Dean crumples against him for a second time, this hug more intimate than the last. One that he's grateful Dean can't see. What happened to him? This wasn't the way he'd been the last time they'd spoken. He'd looked after him during the healing process, sure, and had been more gracious than he'd expected then but long lingering embraces and more than one hug, if that, in a meeting wasn't typical of their encounters.

He doesn't shirk the embrace, what small respite and comfort he finds from it are enough to keep him anchored there too. When Dean pulls back, Castiel meets his eyes with a look of disquiet.]

No. She and I don't have that kind of arrangement. I meet quota with someone else.

Really.

( It's not his business, he reminds himself. Cas has his own life, always had. Dean being present for his more -- challenging times, and there after the angel betrayed him - hell, the day he tried to get Cas laid at the brothel... Dean knows they've moved past Dean being up his ass like that, so to speak. )

Long as you're treated right.

( He feels like a dad, protective in ways he can't describe or fathom. His eyes settle on Cas again as his thumb pads along Cas' shoulder. )

I know what this city does, but I want you to find something you want. Someone.

( He likes it when you're safe. )

I'm not sure I could ever want this.

[Forced copulation, and servitude. As an angel he'd been of service, chained to regimes that would reindoctrinate him rather than remind him of what they were capable of. It hits closer to home than he'd ever associate, but the underlying similarities are there and poignant.]

I'm just doing what's necessary. [Not necessarily who. While he cared for Poe and felt a sense of loyalty and now familiarity with him he would have never crossed that threshold if he'd had the choice.]

( Dean gives a small, untraceable nod because he wouldn't wish this on someone, especially Cas. )

I know. I meant - even in a place like this, you deserve dignity. You deserve to make your own choices when the city lets you.

( As fucked up as it is for all of them involved. )

I know what it must be like. For you here. If I could spare you this, or trade, Cas, I would. ( His hands run up Castiel's arms, locking on his shoulders. ) What we do, is we see the bright side. But never lose sight of the darkness on the horizon. Bright side. We're both alive. And we're both here. You have me, Cas. I'm not going anywhere. If I'd -- ( He steps into Cas' personal space, space he wanted himself one time. ) I'm sorry we found each other now. I'll talk to Kate.

It's selfish, but I'm not sorry.

[Castiel's palm sways, fingers twitch at the simple security being reassured brings him. He'd been shelving his doubts, his worries, and concerns, and had spent his time in the city largely alone because his needs felt like a burden that he should be the only one to bear.] That you're here.

[Castiel hadn't realized how much he'd been suffering until Dean showed up at the door. He did what he was wired to do, follow orders and walk the straight line. He'd done what he could to poke holes into the infrastructure, find secrets that didn't exist but all attempts had been pointless and that had only made matters worse.]

Then we're selfish.

( Because Dean feels the same way. He'd rather Cas be here than the Empty. Than Heaven. Where he deserves or where he'd end up, he doesn't get those answers. He doesn't deserve them either. He doesn't need them. )

We can be selfish and sorry.

[Dean didn't have to, he never had to- but by treating him like another person, letting him have his flaws and his mistakes he unwittingly makes him feel better. Castiel's lips curl up into the whisper of a smile and his still lingering doubt leaves him for a moment.]

Okay.

[It's a fair trade-off and an excuse to occupy his space for a while longer. Dean had the benefit of being a dominant, and maybe with that, they could make more leeway on their investigation.]

I can work with that.

✆ castiel's voicemail

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