( He smirks. Cas and his literalisms. They were less in the past three, four years, but his snark always shone through. One of the many reasons Dean likes Cas, the angel, and Cas the person. )
Let her know she'll be hearing from me then. ...I'm glad you're okay, Cas. Sorry it took me so much time to follow.
( If Cas doesn't want to talk about what transpired, about the Empty, about all of it, Dean's not going to pry. They get to those places, they get emotional, and then they move forward. He pulls Cas close again, burying his face in Cas' shoulder.
He just ... can't say he loves him, too. And Cas was so afraid about it, too. It's his worst nightmare, Dean thinks. Cas deserves more. He tightens his grip but leans back. )
She uh -- is she taking care of all of your needs?
( It's been a few months, Castiel's needed to do something. He knows. )
[They've been less and less more often, but some things remain tried and true. He doesn't understand every nuance of the ever-changing spectrum of mortality. Not yet. He's met many from different realities, different strings on the dimensional fabric that led him from his own plane to this one.]
I'll make sure she's expecting you. You don't have to- [Apologize for not finding him in an impossible-to-navigate situation. Castiel would have never expected that and didn't think either of them deserved to be here now. What they deserved wasn't of importance, not to the government and its capabilities and not to anyone else - the others coping with the same fate.
A look of shock finds Castiel's features when Dean crumples against him for a second time, this hug more intimate than the last. One that he's grateful Dean can't see. What happened to him? This wasn't the way he'd been the last time they'd spoken. He'd looked after him during the healing process, sure, and had been more gracious than he'd expected then but long lingering embraces and more than one hug, if that, in a meeting wasn't typical of their encounters.
He doesn't shirk the embrace, what small respite and comfort he finds from it are enough to keep him anchored there too. When Dean pulls back, Castiel meets his eyes with a look of disquiet.]
No. She and I don't have that kind of arrangement. I meet quota with someone else.
( It's not his business, he reminds himself. Cas has his own life, always had. Dean being present for his more -- challenging times, and there after the angel betrayed him - hell, the day he tried to get Cas laid at the brothel... Dean knows they've moved past Dean being up his ass like that, so to speak. )
Long as you're treated right.
( He feels like a dad, protective in ways he can't describe or fathom. His eyes settle on Cas again as his thumb pads along Cas' shoulder. )
I know what this city does, but I want you to find something you want. Someone.
[Forced copulation, and servitude. As an angel he'd been of service, chained to regimes that would reindoctrinate him rather than remind him of what they were capable of. It hits closer to home than he'd ever associate, but the underlying similarities are there and poignant.]
I'm just doing what's necessary. [Not necessarily who. While he cared for Poe and felt a sense of loyalty and now familiarity with him he would have never crossed that threshold if he'd had the choice.]
( Dean gives a small, untraceable nod because he wouldn't wish this on someone, especially Cas. )
I know. I meant - even in a place like this, you deserve dignity. You deserve to make your own choices when the city lets you.
( As fucked up as it is for all of them involved. )
I know what it must be like. For you here. If I could spare you this, or trade, Cas, I would. ( His hands run up Castiel's arms, locking on his shoulders. ) What we do, is we see the bright side. But never lose sight of the darkness on the horizon. Bright side. We're both alive. And we're both here. You have me, Cas. I'm not going anywhere. If I'd -- ( He steps into Cas' personal space, space he wanted himself one time. ) I'm sorry we found each other now. I'll talk to Kate.
[Castiel's palm sways, fingers twitch at the simple security being reassured brings him. He'd been shelving his doubts, his worries, and concerns, and had spent his time in the city largely alone because his needs felt like a burden that he should be the only one to bear.] That you're here.
[Castiel hadn't realized how much he'd been suffering until Dean showed up at the door. He did what he was wired to do, follow orders and walk the straight line. He'd done what he could to poke holes into the infrastructure, find secrets that didn't exist but all attempts had been pointless and that had only made matters worse.]
( Because Dean feels the same way. He'd rather Cas be here than the Empty. Than Heaven. Where he deserves or where he'd end up, he doesn't get those answers. He doesn't deserve them either. He doesn't need them. )
[Dean didn't have to, he never had to- but by treating him like another person, letting him have his flaws and his mistakes he unwittingly makes him feel better. Castiel's lips curl up into the whisper of a smile and his still lingering doubt leaves him for a moment.]
Okay.
[It's a fair trade-off and an excuse to occupy his space for a while longer. Dean had the benefit of being a dominant, and maybe with that, they could make more leeway on their investigation.]
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Let her know she'll be hearing from me then. ...I'm glad you're okay, Cas. Sorry it took me so much time to follow.
( If Cas doesn't want to talk about what transpired, about the Empty, about all of it, Dean's not going to pry. They get to those places, they get emotional, and then they move forward. He pulls Cas close again, burying his face in Cas' shoulder.
He just ... can't say he loves him, too. And Cas was so afraid about it, too. It's his worst nightmare, Dean thinks. Cas deserves more. He tightens his grip but leans back. )
She uh -- is she taking care of all of your needs?
( It's been a few months, Castiel's needed to do something. He knows. )
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I'll make sure she's expecting you. You don't have to- [Apologize for not finding him in an impossible-to-navigate situation. Castiel would have never expected that and didn't think either of them deserved to be here now. What they deserved wasn't of importance, not to the government and its capabilities and not to anyone else - the others coping with the same fate.
A look of shock finds Castiel's features when Dean crumples against him for a second time, this hug more intimate than the last. One that he's grateful Dean can't see. What happened to him? This wasn't the way he'd been the last time they'd spoken. He'd looked after him during the healing process, sure, and had been more gracious than he'd expected then but long lingering embraces and more than one hug, if that, in a meeting wasn't typical of their encounters.
He doesn't shirk the embrace, what small respite and comfort he finds from it are enough to keep him anchored there too. When Dean pulls back, Castiel meets his eyes with a look of disquiet.]
No. She and I don't have that kind of arrangement. I meet quota with someone else.
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( It's not his business, he reminds himself. Cas has his own life, always had. Dean being present for his more -- challenging times, and there after the angel betrayed him - hell, the day he tried to get Cas laid at the brothel... Dean knows they've moved past Dean being up his ass like that, so to speak. )
Long as you're treated right.
( He feels like a dad, protective in ways he can't describe or fathom. His eyes settle on Cas again as his thumb pads along Cas' shoulder. )
I know what this city does, but I want you to find something you want. Someone.
( He likes it when you're safe. )
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[Forced copulation, and servitude. As an angel he'd been of service, chained to regimes that would reindoctrinate him rather than remind him of what they were capable of. It hits closer to home than he'd ever associate, but the underlying similarities are there and poignant.]
I'm just doing what's necessary. [Not necessarily who. While he cared for Poe and felt a sense of loyalty and now familiarity with him he would have never crossed that threshold if he'd had the choice.]
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I know. I meant - even in a place like this, you deserve dignity. You deserve to make your own choices when the city lets you.
( As fucked up as it is for all of them involved. )
I know what it must be like. For you here. If I could spare you this, or trade, Cas, I would. ( His hands run up Castiel's arms, locking on his shoulders. ) What we do, is we see the bright side. But never lose sight of the darkness on the horizon. Bright side. We're both alive. And we're both here. You have me, Cas. I'm not going anywhere. If I'd -- ( He steps into Cas' personal space, space he wanted himself one time. ) I'm sorry we found each other now. I'll talk to Kate.
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[Castiel's palm sways, fingers twitch at the simple security being reassured brings him. He'd been shelving his doubts, his worries, and concerns, and had spent his time in the city largely alone because his needs felt like a burden that he should be the only one to bear.] That you're here.
[Castiel hadn't realized how much he'd been suffering until Dean showed up at the door. He did what he was wired to do, follow orders and walk the straight line. He'd done what he could to poke holes into the infrastructure, find secrets that didn't exist but all attempts had been pointless and that had only made matters worse.]
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( Because Dean feels the same way. He'd rather Cas be here than the Empty. Than Heaven. Where he deserves or where he'd end up, he doesn't get those answers. He doesn't deserve them either. He doesn't need them. )
We can be selfish and sorry.
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Okay.
[It's a fair trade-off and an excuse to occupy his space for a while longer. Dean had the benefit of being a dominant, and maybe with that, they could make more leeway on their investigation.]
I can work with that.